By Nancy Rugart Plummer, Columnist, The Times
Dear Nancy, I took the summer off from dating. Between the shore house, the graduation parties, and my garden, I just didn’t have the energy for the apps. Now summer is winding down and I feel like I missed my window. Everyone says summer is the season for romance and dating, and I spent mine in a beach chair. Did I blow it? Should I just wait until next year and try again when the weather warms up?
– Megan, Berwyn, PA
Megan, I have wonderful news for you. Not only did you not blow it, you may have timed things perfectly.
Here is a secret most people don’t know. Although this summer has been surprisingly busy, it is not necessarily dating’s biggest season. It feels like it should be, with all those long evenings and outdoor concerts, but summer is often when dating gets scattered. People travel. Weekends fill up with weddings and family obligations. Conversations start on the apps and then fizzle because somebody left for two weeks in Avalon and forgot to write back.
For many singles, the real season starts right about now. In the dating world, some coaches call it the September Surge. As Labor Day passes and routines return, singles come back to the apps the same way kids come back to school: with fresh energy and a sense that it is time to get serious. Dating activity often picks up through the fall and continues into the busy weeks between New Year’s Day and Valentine’s Day. It is the season when many people feel more motivated to find companionship before the holidays and colder weather arrive.
What does that mean for you, Megan? It means the people logging back on right now are often ready to date with greater intention. The summer flings have flung. The folks showing up in September may be thinking about who they want beside them at Thanksgiving dinner, holiday parties, or on New Year’s Eve. That is exactly the mindset you want in a match.
So instead of waiting for next summer, here is how to make the most of the season without burning out.
Refresh your photos. If your profile pictures are more than a year old, replace them. Use recent photos that truly look like you, in good light, doing things you love. Include one clear, smiling headshot, two full-length photos, and one or two of you living your life—walking on the beach, barbecuing, or enjoying a game of pickleball. You mentioned your garden. A photo of you picking one of your tomatoes tells a better story than any selfie.
Rewrite your profile with a fresh perspective. Say what you are actually looking for. If you want a real relationship, say so warmly and without apology. Then give people something to respond to. “I make delicious chocolate chip scones and I am looking for someone to share them with” starts more conversations than a list of adjectives ever will.
Commit to your process before you start. This is where most daters go wrong. They open the apps with no plan and burn out in three weeks. Set a rhythm you can sustain. Fifteen minutes a day is plenty. Move promising matches to a short phone call within a week. A fifteen-minute call tells you more than a month of texting, and it protects your time and your heart.
Line up your fall calendar. Apps are just one way to find your special someone. Fall in Chester County is full of festivals, wine tastings, charity events, and classes. Put two or three on your calendar that genuinely interest you, where you can meet people face to face. You are not just looking for a date. You are practicing being open, curious, and friendly. It gets easier with practice.
Give it through the holidays. Do not judge the season by one bad week. Commit to a genuine effort from now through Valentine’s Day. This can be a wonderful window for meeting relationship-minded people.
Megan, you did not miss your window. You rested, and now you get to enter a promising season with a full tank. The beach chair was not a detour. It was preparation.
So, charge your phone, pick your best photos, and step into September ready to find the love of your life and create the life you love.
Have a dating or relationship question for a future column? I would love to hear from you. You can reach me through All About Connecting at allaboutconnecting.org.
